dreaming

I love music.

I love singing, feeling the rush of my soul coming out of my mouth. It fulfills a very unique aspect of who I am. The more I dream and see what I would love my future to include, the more I see music coming out of my mouth, my eyes, my fingertips...pretty much all of me.

I came across some songs I had written about ten years ago that I thought I had lost. And as I read them printed on yellowed paper (seriously) all of the memories of the time spent pouring over these songs came back into my heart. The feelings, the pain, the joy, the moment writing each one. And after this time of remembering, I realized something...I am most alive when I'm inside music, and God has created me as a worship leader!

Whoa! I have NEVER considered this before. I only considered it as a side thing. But when I think and feel who God has created me to me, the picture of King David comes into my heart; dancing before the Arc of the Covenant, before the presence of God, ushering in His presence, being completely free before Him and before everyone who witnessed it. And David created that moment as he responded to the Joy of His presence. He created something, simply by being free. I love that freedom, and I experience it the most when I sing and yes, when I dance randomly in my personal times of worship, as well as jumping around on stage, (yes, I said jumping).

It's as if I was created to do these things. It's a crazy revelation. I'm getting pretty free on the stage at our church as well. It doesn't get better than singing and not caring what people think about you, but just being enamored with the King and his church!

I'm dreaming about recording music, and this dream keeps me awake at night sometimes. It is those dreams which burn in our hearts that help us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. In joyful expectation of what is coming just ahead!

love is here

I didn't tell him I was sad, I didn't tell him much of anything, other than he couldn't go outside right now. I was exhausted and I felt the only thing I could do was take a nap somehow with already-napped boys who were currently crying and yelling at each other.

Yes, this was the perfect time to try to shut my eyes in the living room. Levi started crying again, and I felt I couldn't handle much more at that moment. So what did I do? I walked straight to my room, got into my bed, and pulled the covers over my head. Levi came to find me, but the game quickly wore off. He found something to play with.

By that time my head came out from under the covers, and Caleb came in complaining that he still wanted to go outside. I explained I would go outside with him in a little bit. Then...I pulled the covers over my head. I was feeling sad.

Then Caleb said something like, "this is terrible!" And I thought he was going to say something worse too, but instead, what he said changed my day.

"I'm here to love you Mommy! I'm here to love you! God is with you Mommy! God is really with you! I'm going to pray for you."

So I pulled my covers down and couldn't keep the smile in my heart from finding it's way onto my face. He held my hand, laid his head on the pillow and said, "God, I pray for Mommy, and I pray for Daddy, Amen!"

"Thank you, Caleb!" I got up pretty quick after that. Such a wonderful reminder from my 3-year-old. "I'm here to love you!" How can you be selfish when you have someone to remind you of their love? My sadness instantly was gone, and Caleb's prayer was answered. Such a priceless moment with my son! He is learning to be such a man of FAITH. I could learn a lot from him.

Thank you, Lord!