faith

Levi has had a bump above his eye for about 2 years now. Doctors have said that it looks like a cyst or a group of cells under the skin. It had recently looked like it was increasing in size to the point where anyone who watched him would say, "I think he hit his eye...look he's got a bump here." We would explain time and again that no, he's had that since he was 1 month old. His doctor said that it really is important to have it removed now, as "the tumor" may continue to grow as Levi grows.

I can't tell you how shocked I was to hear that word come out of his mouth...tumor. He said he wasn't concerned at all, since we had had an ultrasound done on it when he was 9 months old, and we got the all clear. But none-the-less, it still needed to be dealt with.

Matt and I have been praying for healing of this bump since he was only a few months old. And recently a friend texted me about wanting to join us in praying and even fasting for his healing. I agreed to fast with her, and pray over this bump above his left eye.

It was about a week later that I woke up to Levi coming into our room in the morning, and his face just looked a little different. I looked at his eye, and...it seemed like the bump had gone down in size. I didn't say anything, waiting for Matt to notice. He noticed the next day, and commented about it looking smaller. Excitement filled my heart. Could it be? It is definitely smaller, but still slightly there.
I don't understand the faith for the healing Jesus talks about throughout the gospels. I don't know of any formula that guarantees, pray this and you will get this. I have seen so many suffer and be prayed for and nothing happens. So I don't understand it at all. But I do believe that the One who said my sins are forgiven and I'm washed clean of any guilt, that He could also physically heal me and those dearest to me.

I read this morning in Matthew about a leper that came to Jesus and said, "Jesus, if you are willing, heal me." Jesus didn't say much at all; he simply said, "I am willing, be healed!" The leper believed Jesus could heal him, he only asked if he was willing.

These are the questions I have struggled over in my lifetime, "Lord are you capable of healing," and "Lord are you willing to do it now?" I have seen small answers to these questions, and now I am seeing it again. Levi's physical appearance has changed...that is current evidence that Jesus is capable, and He is willing.

The last two days I've been telling the Lord..."Lord I believe, Lord Jesus I believe!" My heart has been crippled so severely by choosing doubt over Him. I'm ready to fully move into a greater realm of faith. Lord I believe, get rid of my unbelief!

attack of the bugs

We have bugs in our house. I've commented before about the large black crickets, but these...these are just so much worse!

I discovered them when I fearfully pulled up the blinds in our room, and winced as I chose to really look at the window sill. I was horrified! Hundreds of little bugs I had not seen before were crawling all over the ledge. "Sick!" I was almost crying at how gross the sight was. I ran to grab our cleaners, I grabbed two different ones just in case, and sprayed the living daylights out of these little creatures.

I had such an overwhelming sense of defeat and failure at my duty of keeping my house clean. I checked the boys room and yes...there they were. I was angry, really angry. How could this happen? I just wanted to move...NOW!

Matt walked in after the process of cleaning, and saw that I was on the verge of tears and exasperation. He tried to look up the bug for me on the internet, but no luck. As he was scrolling through some options of the bug, all I could say was, "sick" over and over again.

Which is what we had been for 2 weeks now. Maybe they were the culprit. It's funny how you try to blame something, anything when you are feeling completely defeated.

Ahhhh, this I discovered was the perfect analogy of my life at the moment. Bugs coming into our lives to try to destroy our peace, our sense of safety. These bugs aren't people, mind you. They reside only in the spirit realm, and they have tried to come into our "home" to destroy our very security in the Lord.

I was spending a moment with the Lord recently, and He showed me a picture in my mind and heart of a flower alone in a field. This flower was barely hanging on, wind and rain were still hounding this little fragile flower. "Oh Lord," I said with a huge sigh, "that's me!" He then showed me how much He is capable of shielding that flower from the elements in order for this flower to regain strength. Tears, sobbing, gratefulness exuded from my heart. And I knew at that moment, I only need to ask for help from the One who sees and knows me.

"Let go, Anne. I've got it!"

So there I was leading worship this Sunday, totally feeling defeated again. My voice was almost hoarse and I was the only one who could lead this Sunday. Then through some friends around me, they reminded me of the very words the Lord had spoken to me, "Let go, Anne. I've got it!" So I went up to lead with that in my heart, and the faith in the One who could move this incredible mountain. I felt the strength in my voice return as I was singing; I felt Him give me strength and an increasing joy, and gratefulness was overcoming the defeat. I almost felt I was glowing about to explode because I was experiencing the miracle of the Lord. One of the songs we sang says it so perfectly, "I have found a peace, that plows on through the storm/ I have found a joy that jumps over sadness..." I have found Him!

When the Lord is our helper, these bugs just have no opportunity to gain the victory. And I am so very thankful for that!