the cutest thing...

So I've been getting better and better at showing both boys how much I love them...it's harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes I feel guilty gazing into Levi's eyes and talking to him for a minute while Caleb is playing close by. Or putting Levi down while I play outside with Caleb. But I've let the guilt go, and realized that I really can enjoy both boys at the same time, if just in my heart.

So I've been a little less on edge with Caleb the last couple days, and I really had fun playing with him yesterday! We pulled out a new tractor that we've been saving for a day he could enjoy it, and also pulled out a motorized train. I could not believe how much fun those two toys could be for an entire day!

But the thing that I will be pondering in my heart for a while is how Caleb responded to me yesterday. He was getting fussy and ready for his afternoon nap (he stills takes two during the day), and I scooped him up gave him his pacifier and said "you're sleepy huh? Do you know I love you?" He looked me in the eye, almost as if to see if I was serious, and he took out his pacifier and gave me a kiss on the cheek. My heart soared. We had a breakthough in that moment. And it felt so good to know that we still know each other in that special mommy-Caleb way!

six-week smiles

I love waiting until the moment you see the real smile, not just because of the fun sensation of gas in their bellies, but because they actually recognize your face and voice. Ah, there's really nothing else like it in the world!

a special gift

I'm now a mama of 2 boys! Levi Joshua was born April 8th, weighing in at 10 lbs 14 oz and 22 1/2 in long!!! Yes, he is a big boy, now only 6 weeks old but the size of a 3 month old. He is such a tremendous joy for our family, and Caleb loves him! Sometimes Caleb is a little too rough, but he loves giving Levi kisses and holding him.

Last night I went to a girls-night-in dinner with some groups from church and we were sharing around the circle for a while about some of our life long goals. At one point I got to encourage one of the girls (all college students) that I didn't want to be a mom either before I was married. She asked what changed. And it was amazing to respond that God had definitely changed my heart as I became healed just to be happy being a woman. And I said that He knew I was meant to give life to my two wonderful boys! What an amazing thought. As it came out of my mouth I got choked up at the thought of not having them in my life if I had not been healed by the Lord! And through these years of being healed as a woman I am now honestly able to say, I feel so privilege to be a mother!

What treasures they are in my life!