protection, permission and favor

When I think about my youth, I do remember I was pretty full of gusto. I would say anything that came into my head, and I wouldn't care what people thought of it. Some kids just don't seem to have that social filter of keeping your thoughts to yourself, and I was one of those kids.

Every once in a while, something settles in me that I shouldn't rock the boat if it's staying afloat. Keep the rules and the example you have seen set before you or you will present yourself vulnerable and weak to whatever criticism comes at you. Because when you do put yourself out there, people have something to say about it. So I sometimes strive for perfection in the boundaries I see around me, and I expect praise when I'm doing well. BUT... this presents a problem in that I'm so concerned about what people think about my performance, that I live only on the defense and not on the edge of the offensive. Which is where I know the Lord has called me to be. This settling really just makes me mad with myself because I know I've given up a part of me by just "fitting in".

I was in a class when I first came to Mercy Church, during Summer Project back in 2001, and I was one of the outspoken ones at the time. I spoke freely of what I believed and saw and understood. I could actually see I was somewhat different than those around me. One day, I was a little tired of putting my soul out there so I was quiet when the teacher asked for an answer. Others responded and we moved on. One of the guys in the class turned to me, and asked, "what are you doing?? You are so quiet! You LIVE for this kind of stuff." How I remember his words says even more of who I know myself to be. Because what he said was true.

The topic of permission has become something on the forefront of my mind recently. What permission do I have in certain relationships, or in the leadership that's been given to me? I seem to not want to step out of my position. And I often fear if I have gone too far. But there is a big difference between this fear which is unhealthy and choosing honor and living in the favor and permission that I have been given!

As I've taken this to the Lord, and recognized this fear of rejection, He has spoken to me that I have every permission of one of His daughters first and foremost. Anything I need I only have to lean over to speak into the Lord's ear and he hears me, He longs for me to bring Him the dreams in my heart and ask Him for wisdom in how to walk it out. For me to have that confidence in my Father. And then from there, take what favor and permission my leaders have given me, and run with everything I have, in all the creativity He's given me to accomplish my destiny in Him. In this there is great freedom and a release of my soul! And this is acually my covering and my protection, which the Lord provides for us.

I love Kim Walker-Smith as a worship leader, but also as a woman of God! Here she is teaching other worship leaders in training, and she has some great things to say about this topic, so I've included it below. The Lord is pleased with us running with honor, and in the favor we've been given. May we be a people who are not bound by fear of rejection or failure, that we can live our lives FULLY alive!