After I drove away, I thought about him. My mom recently said, "he was only with us for a short time, but his life changed us forever." What a profound response to the death of one so dear to us. I couldn't stop thinking about my response.
...What have I done, because of his life?
...What have I not done, because of his death?
I often forget that he even lived, I get so focused on the fact that he's gone.
I turned to the Lord in that moment of driving without a destination. What have I done, Lord? What have I not done? I could feel the Lord's embrace; I have been afraid to fully LIVE. I have so many dreams unfulfilled, I just let them die because I have been afraid to put everything I have into seeing them come to fruition. What if they do, and I become successful?
When I'm in the presence of the Lord, I feel confident, unafraid, passionate, motivated, full of dreams and visions. I remember that my brother died, and I remember I want to live...really live, because I have experienced the brevity of life. Then, when I go day to day...to day...I seem to gradually forget what I have set in my heart to do. Apathy sets in, along with doubt.
Break the chains of apathy, Lord! I want to remember, and never forget...TO LIVE! I have one life and I need to live it. I will take my dreams and live them, because you have given me LIFE...breath within me. Free me from the fear that so easily entangles me. I will live with confidence, conviction, and consciousness of the fact that YOU HAVE MADE ME, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!
1 comment:
Hi...I found your blog...well, I am not sure how I found your blog, but I enjoy reading your thoughts. I lost my brother in 2001...I have many of the similar thoughts; When someone close dies, you have to make the choice to keep living, but there is always some things that need to be reborn because of the encounter with death. I had to overcome a lot of fear after my brother's death, realizing that living in fear was not really living. In some ways, I think there is a part of God that you touch or encounter in the face of death that otherwise you wouldn't have...I am just rambling, but I just wanted to let you know that I too have a brother that died too young and have experienced many of the same thoughts.
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