attack of the bugs

We have bugs in our house. I've commented before about the large black crickets, but these...these are just so much worse!

I discovered them when I fearfully pulled up the blinds in our room, and winced as I chose to really look at the window sill. I was horrified! Hundreds of little bugs I had not seen before were crawling all over the ledge. "Sick!" I was almost crying at how gross the sight was. I ran to grab our cleaners, I grabbed two different ones just in case, and sprayed the living daylights out of these little creatures.

I had such an overwhelming sense of defeat and failure at my duty of keeping my house clean. I checked the boys room and yes...there they were. I was angry, really angry. How could this happen? I just wanted to move...NOW!

Matt walked in after the process of cleaning, and saw that I was on the verge of tears and exasperation. He tried to look up the bug for me on the internet, but no luck. As he was scrolling through some options of the bug, all I could say was, "sick" over and over again.

Which is what we had been for 2 weeks now. Maybe they were the culprit. It's funny how you try to blame something, anything when you are feeling completely defeated.

Ahhhh, this I discovered was the perfect analogy of my life at the moment. Bugs coming into our lives to try to destroy our peace, our sense of safety. These bugs aren't people, mind you. They reside only in the spirit realm, and they have tried to come into our "home" to destroy our very security in the Lord.

I was spending a moment with the Lord recently, and He showed me a picture in my mind and heart of a flower alone in a field. This flower was barely hanging on, wind and rain were still hounding this little fragile flower. "Oh Lord," I said with a huge sigh, "that's me!" He then showed me how much He is capable of shielding that flower from the elements in order for this flower to regain strength. Tears, sobbing, gratefulness exuded from my heart. And I knew at that moment, I only need to ask for help from the One who sees and knows me.

"Let go, Anne. I've got it!"

So there I was leading worship this Sunday, totally feeling defeated again. My voice was almost hoarse and I was the only one who could lead this Sunday. Then through some friends around me, they reminded me of the very words the Lord had spoken to me, "Let go, Anne. I've got it!" So I went up to lead with that in my heart, and the faith in the One who could move this incredible mountain. I felt the strength in my voice return as I was singing; I felt Him give me strength and an increasing joy, and gratefulness was overcoming the defeat. I almost felt I was glowing about to explode because I was experiencing the miracle of the Lord. One of the songs we sang says it so perfectly, "I have found a peace, that plows on through the storm/ I have found a joy that jumps over sadness..." I have found Him!

When the Lord is our helper, these bugs just have no opportunity to gain the victory. And I am so very thankful for that!