oh, what love is this?

The events of yesterday have forever changed me.

I had just taken a splinter out of Caleb's finger, and taken off his sweatshirt, as it was becoming a very warm day already at 10:00am. Levi was down for a nap and I went back inside for a few minutes. I could hear Caleb playing on the patio.

I got a phone call at 10:08, it was my doctor's office needing to reschedule my appointment. Fine. Then I realized I hadn't heard Caleb in a few minutes. So as I hung up the phone, got my shoes on, and went straight to the back of the house where all of Daddy's cool wood was. This is where I usually find Caleb venturing out to...but this time he wasn't there.

As our house sits on about 20 acres of farmland, it is usually easy to spot his little head and body bobbing up and down the fields, but this time I didn't see him, anywhere! I circled the house one more time, then I saw Matt's truck pulling up to the workshop. I quickly stopped him and told him I couldn't find Caleb. He asked me a couple questions then headed out to look. Panic was setting in my heart. This had never happened before.

Matt started calling people to pray, he even stopped a car driving down our street to ask if she had seen a little boy. She offered her help us look. Matt asked me to wake up our roommate, Brittany, to help look. By that time I could not stop the tears of fear from racing down my face. I wasn't thinking about asking people to help, all my thoughts were focused on finding Caleb.

We went down by the creek bank, and the street, thinking he might have gone exploring, but no sign of him. Matt kept yelling to me. "Pray, Anne, keep praying." It was then that I realized I needed to really trust my Father with this situation. It was not helping me to go through scenarios in my mind of what could have happened to him. So there I was walking down by the creek with this lady who had offered to help us, and I was telling God out loud, "I trust you, I trust you, I trust you. Show me where to look." I was all out of ideas, but my heart was turning from hysterical fear to simple trust.

Then at 10:30 I got the phone call I was desperately hoping for. "I found him!" Matt had found him. He was up on the hill at our neighbor's house playing with the pile of rocks and dirt. He had somehow gone under the barb wire fence that separates our lot from our neighbor's, and walked up to their house, which was about a quarter mile hike.

He was safe. All of the fear and horrible thoughts of what could have happened to him vanished. None of them had happened.

This experience has changed me. And I realized the kind of love that God has given me for my son. It is unlike anything I have ever known before. I felt terror, rage, desperation over his well being. He was mine, and for twenty minutes he was not in my care.

I also realized how quickly I let fear sink into my heart and unravel me. I am determined to not let fear rule my life, because if I am a child of God, then I can trust my Father to hear me when I pray. I am so grateful to the Lord's protection on my family's life. And I trust in Him!