time

I absolutely love spending time with my boys outside! It reminds me how important time is with them...just playing...laughing...getting creative...pointing out the life around us.

The years seem to be going by so fast, but every day is so important. Someone told me yesterday that they were having a conversation about me with one of the pastors from Columbia. This pastor thought I was "so young...maybe 16 years old?" The food I had in my mouth when I heard that almost went flying across the room. Wow...13 years just got knocked off of me! I was shocked that someone thought I could be that young!

These moments in life are so important! What is time anyway? Experiences, seasons, longing, finding, maturity, birthing, dying. It is all important. And at the end of it all, what really matters? That you found Life in those moments, you found redemption, freedom...you found the ability to trust our Father, who we cannot see, but we can experience every moment of these days, that we become more and more like Him!

And I believe the best days are still ahead!

"But I trust in you, O LORD!

I say, 'You are my God.'

My times are in your hand!"

~Psalm 31:14-15~

first words and sentences

Levi is starting to say words, and I am absolutely giddy over it! I don't know what's come over me, but every time I hear him trying to say a word, I can't get the grin off my face.

Matt and I think his first real word was...wait for it..."brush!" Hilarious! He loves holding my brushes and carrying them around the house. Some of his other ones were, "hot" with the sign, "Hi" while waving, and "MINE!" (Not really saying it, but belting it at Caleb.) He started using this last word, because he hears his brother saying it ALL THE TIME!


Caleb is using full sentences now. And it is also cracking me up. The other day he came over to where I was sitting, he leaned over the arm of the couch, eyebrows furrowed, the corners of his mouth downturned, and said, "So...I'm not feeling so good." There was just a quick second of us looking at each other, then I reached over and started tickling him..."You are so funny, Caleb!" And of course he started laughing too. He is a comedian at 2-and-a-half years old.


I'm loving this season in our lives! It is so good to laugh, even in the midst of some hard circumstances right now. Laughter is truly the best medicine!

the breaking

I saw a sight the other day while driving, that totally made me smile. It was just a quick glance into the field at my right. I saw about a dozen horses in a pasture, and about six foals. What made me smile, was the foals...they were actually rolling over and over on their backs, kicking their legs in the air, and tossing their heads back and forth.

Totally free.

Totally oblivious to what was going on around them.

It seemed to me in that split second as I glanced their way, that the freedom they felt came from the security they knew which was right above them.

I took it to heart. The Lord has been asking me to not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders...which goes against the desires of every fiber in my being. I want to control everything around me...but simply put, I cannot. The world around me, my circumstances, seems to be helping to break my control issues. The things I've felt security in, finances, relationships, ministry...(did I mention finances?) have been crumbling before my eyes.

This is the breaking...this is the surrender...these are the falling-into-true-security moments.

Tears...

heartache...

but ultimately hope...such a sweet hope,

a hope that is carrying me to freedom.

mothers' day gift

We had a fun time with my extended immediate family getting together to take pictures...for my mom's Mother Day! The Whittingtons were here visiting for 3 weeks; the boys had so much fun playing together...it was crazy to see my little nephew almost walking! So fun! And yes, I miss them already.

I'll post more pics as they become available. But I couldn't resist sharing what a beautiful family I have!

partner in dreaming

My husband is an incredibly hard worker. He knows that he is responisble for providing and protecting his growing family, and I sometimes just have to stand back, take in the bigger picture of life right now, humble myself, and be grateful. I have a man who does not back down from the challenges in the midst of our lives. He seeks guidance when needed, and he recognizes the One who can change our hearts. I admire him so much, and I am thankful that he has a vision for our future.

I can get all fired up about what's not happening in our lives, I can listen to others' success stories and get caught up in the comparison game...easily. But then, this last conversation I had about it with Matt, really made me appreciate him all the more. He listens to the Holy Spirit, and He knew what to say to me, in kindness, to help me see that there are still dreams to be drempt, still roads to forge, still life ahead of us. I can't stop just because of a few hiccups right now.

DREAM GIRL! Dream about what you want to see happen and how you want to get there. The Holy Spirit is wanting to lead me forward even though I look at myself and say, "I have nothing left to give." He is my strength, and my inspiration. And I will listen to Him.

the cupcake

Levi fell asleep at his party, before he could enjoy his birthday cupcake. After all the guests were gone, Levi woke up and loved the cake!

I love how Caleb sings with us in this video. He loves singing...all the time! Our camera ran out of memory right after Levi took his first bite. I'm glad we caught it...it's a classic Levi move.

(The mess in our living room, is the remnants of the kids and the gifts at the party. Our house doesn't always look this messy!)

ebony and ivory

I keep remembering this about Matt and I, for some reason, so I thought I would share it. When we were dating, and becoming more serious in our relationship, Matt would often put our hands together, side by side, and start singing, "Ebony and Ivory."

Growing up, I never liked the fact that I am so white.. White legs mean no shorts (in my opinion), and I was really self-conscious about not wearing shorts...ever! Double whammy! And it was a big deal when I bought shorts to wear for our honeymoon, in Cancun...hello? Who wouldn't wear shorts in Cancun...on your honeymoon? (Probably only me if my friends and family didn't coerce me!)

So Matt has always loved the fact that our skin is such a contrast. He tans REALLY easily and works outside, so he is almost always really dark. He was really dark when we got married, because every day he was in the Sun. Thus, he sang that song all the time. Looking at pictures of us during that time, that song always pops in my head. I don't think I know the rest of the words even, just "Ebony and Ivory!" (I found an old school youtube of the song, find it below.)

I am now comfortable with my skin, and I like it! (Although you probably won't see me wearing shorts still.)

Levi's party

We are having a bunch of people over tomorrow afternoon for Levi's birthday party! (If you haven't heard, you're invited too!) When I say a bunch, I mean around 60 PEOPLE!!! I just checked the list last night, and was shocked that all the numbers added up to that!

We love people! We love celebrating! We love to have an excuse to get people around us to celebrate...something, anything! It's going to be great to get people together again, to celebrate the first year of Levi's life. We are also planning on dedicating him to the Lord tomorrow, with our parents there to give a blessing, speaking words of life and hope over him. It was an amazing time when Caleb turned one, and it will be a tradition we'll carry on with all of our kids!

The scripture the Lord gave us for Levi Joshua Ens:

True instruction was
in Levi’s mouth and
nothing false was found on his lips.
He walked with Me in peace
and uprightness,
and turned many from sin.

~Malachi 2:6~

One year ago...

Levi will turn One-Year-Young tomorrow!!! Of course, I've been thinking about the events that led up to his birth last year, and as I do, I remember my mom reminding me of the day of my birth. "It was a Monday morning, we were only at the hospital for a few hours and pop, out you came around 11am." It always sounded to me so gentle and fast. Ha! I have come to understand a fast delivery does not mean painless!!!

Levi just did not seem to want to come out when his due date came and went. Granted, it was only 5 days after his due date that we decided to induce labor. Some women wait at least 2 weeks! I am so grateful to the Lord that I felt peace to go the hospital when we did. With that big of a baby, I don't know what it would have looked like if we had waited for him to come out on his own.

On April 3rd, his due date, I had scheduled to be induced at 7:30am. When that time came, I had no peace, was sobbing the night before, not sure what to do. I really wanted a natural delivery, and I wanted the Lord's timing for it all. So when 7 am came, I had to call and let them know I would not be coming in. Levi was going to stay inside for a few more days.

So I felt the Lord's peace to schedule to go in on April 8th. My doctor set that day, and I was sure I was going to have him before then. But nope, Levi just wasn't ready.

It amazes me how you can tell children's temperaments even when they're inside! Matt and I could tell even by 20 weeks pregnant, watching him on the little ultrasound screen that he had a pensive, more mellow personality. And yes, he has definitely shown that to be true in his first year of life!

So unlike some stories I've heard of women barely making it to the hospital before their baby pops out, Matt and I walked in, very calm, focused, trying to make each other laugh at the craziness of it all. In a few hours we would be holding our second little boy...wonder what he will look like...wonder what this labor will be like...

I can gratefully say, I have a great partner for such an intense feat! Matt was amazing. We were able to pray and use scripture through the delivery, and I really felt the Holy Spirit's presence through it all. It was healing for me after a delivery like Caleb's, (another story for another time).

After 4 1/2 hours Levi's shoulder was stuck, and we needed more nurses to help get him out! I heard a lot of them exclaim, "he's so big...let me guess how much he weighs...he's got to be 11 pounds!" And when they had put him on the scale, I had to do a double and triple take at the numbers it was displaying. This could not be true!!! Sure enough our little Levi was 2 oz shy of 11 pounds! It was by the grace of God that he came out all natural!

I'm so grateful for the blessing of our second son! Matt says he's beginning to think Levi is closer to my temperament, and Caleb to Matt's. That does make sense to me. I'm sure we will be seeing their personalities and temperaments develop over the next several years, but it is certainly fun to see glimpses while they are still so little.

Our little family is complete...at least for the next year or so...we'll see!

Levi's got lungs!

Levi has quite a loud voice! And he uses it frequently, especially when there's music playing or he's trying to get someone's attention. It's very humorous to us. We went to Madonna Inn randomly the other night just to get out of the house, and try something new with the boys. We sat down in the Copper Cafe and ordered a banana split, which ended up being mostly whipped cream. But while we waited, we ran out of things to distract the boys with, so Levi ended up slapping the table with both hands while saying, "AHHHHHH" very loudly! The people at the table next to us were very gracious and simply laughed with a few eye rolls from the teenager. The mom said, "it goes by so fast, isn't he cute!"

This is a video showing Levi's loud voice. He is wearing hand-me-downs from Caleb that say, "Judah is my middle name." Levi's middle name is actually Joshua. Maybe Matt can work his magic again with the permanent marker to make the shirt accurate. Or maybe we'll just leave it how it is. I don't think it will scar Levi for life if he wears a shirt that doesn't appropriately represent his real name.

the urge

I had an unusual urge yesterday, and I dived right into the waters of silliness. I haven't had that urge in some time and it felt so good.

I was feeling a little heavy hearted, a little overwhelmed with life, a little like some grey cloud had decided to park itself right over my head...and I hated it! But I knew that it wasn't caused by circumstances, it was something that my heart had decided to believe, some thought like, "will this ever change in my life?" And I had given into the response that it wouldn't...ever...change!

Levi had fallen asleep for another nap in the afternoon, Caleb was antsy, so we went outside. He trotted over around the house to the back, where Daddy's wood pile faithfully stood. Caleb started walking across the beams on the ground, the wind furiously moving across the fields. It caught up my neatly done hair, and then it caught my breath, and stole the song that was just on my lips. And I started singing...really singing, grateful that Caleb was the only one who could hear me. And then, my arms wanted up. And I felt like a child, I felt silly. I twirled with my head back, and my song rising, singing to the God who created this silliness in me, "All I need is You! All I need is You LORD, is You!"

It had been far too long. And the greatest part about it, was Caleb joined in the song and dance too, and the burden on my heart lifted.

spots and walks

Little Levi has red splotches all over his face and stomach. It is the hardest thing to see him not feeling well; cold, ear infection, fever, and now a reaction to the antibiotics...thus now on Benadryl. AHHHHH!

I took Caleb and Levi into the store to buy the Benadryl today and when checking out, I looked over to my usually smiley baby, who always melts the hearts of everyone we encounter, and he was half smiling but with red spots all over his face. I then realized how truly blessed I am to have usually perfectly healthy babies!

I had just put Levi down for another nap and Caleb and I went for a walk to get the mail. On the way back, he picked up some rocks to bring back to throw in our mud puddles. We had almost reached the house when he said to me, rather loudly..."Anne! Where you go-een? Anne! You hold dis rock too? It's heavy!"

Oh my goodness!

I looked at him and started laughing out loud. He smiled and started laughing too. I said, "I'm mommy, mister." He said, "Yeah...Mommy. And I'm Caleb!"

our love story (part 2)

(Cont'd from previous post)...

He opened the door of the Suburban for me, 12 red roses in a beautiful vase were on my seat. To say I was confused, would be a gross understatement. I still didn't know where his truck had gone, and why our friend's Suburban was here. But after I overcame the shock and confusion, I heard him say, probably for the third time, "We're going for a drive!"

It was about an hour drive from Montana de Oro to our destination, which I still was unaware about. I felt I was in a fairy tale, trying to push confusion and suspicion out of my mind. Could this be the day...did he...could he have planned all this for me...for the rest of our lives? He gave me another present on the way; he had typed up and printed all of our email exchanges and some of his personal journal entries over the last year. What a precious treasure that was to me. And still the suspicion was hesitantly growing. He obviously couldn't keep from smiling the whole drive.

We pulled off the freeway about 15 minutes outside of Paso Robles, to what seemed like the middle of nowhere. But pretty soon in the distance, he pointed out a small building on top of a hill before us. It was really hard for me to receive all this planning and preparations to make a special day for me...for us! But I gathered myself together and we got out of the vehicle, and started on a hike to the top of the hill.

I remember we stopped once under one of the beautiful, ancient archways. Then we kept going to the top, it was breathtaking! When we finally arrived, I could tell Matt was a little nervous. He kept looking at the few people who were also at the top. When some of them left, he wanted me to follow him...into the chapel! What? It was locked, but somehow he had the key. We went into the chapel through a short little door on the side.

When we were inside, there was no light except the red glow coming in through the red stain glass window right behind the altar. We sat down on one of the wooden benches, and in almost complete darkness, Matt asked if I wanted to pray with him. He said that it was a miracle that we were allowed in there, and that he had made a promise to the man who gave him the key, that we would pray for him once inside. We also prayed for our future, and our relationship. Then we heard voices outside the chapel, a man and woman yelling across the courtyard..."I LOVE YOU!" and then another answered back, "I LOVE YOU TOO!" It was hilarious as we sat in silence in the chapel we were not supposed to be in, trying to not laugh out loud.

If this wasn't a proposal, I told myself this was the most amazing day I had ever had. We went back outside after we couldn't hear any voices anymore. I took a deep breath and walked out to the edge of the courtyard to see the view one more time. I heard Matt behind me so as I turned around, he was holding a box and inside that box was the most beautiful ring I had seen. He asked the question, and I said "YES!"

That was the Valentine's Day I will never forget! And this year we decided to go back and bring our children with us. I love having a special place that we can now go back to and remember how our family first started.

(If you look closely, we are all standing in front of the chapel door)

our love story (part 1)

When I remember meeting Matt, I remember I saw something in his eyes that seemed familiar to me. I really wanted to have a conversation with him...but that was harder to do than I anticipated. We were on the same Mission Leadership team through our church, and still it was hard to talk to him as he seemed to quickly excuse himself from any attempt I made.

So I mentioned to one of my friends, who happen to be married to one of Matt's best friends, that I was interested in getting to know Matt. She was ecstatic and from then on she and her husband were helping us behind the scenes, to have the opportunity to talk. After one of our Mission meetings, they worked it out that we would both ride with them to lunch. I remember talking to him about my major in college, which we seemed right away to have a little different opinion on; but I was not deterred from my quest and challenge to open this guy up. Or so I thought.

I started to pray that the Lord would have mercy on me and just give Matt a little nudge in my direction. Well that prayer lasted about eight months and still, nothing worthy of note happened. I talked to the same friend again after eight months of praying, and she encouraged me to simply change the way I was praying. She suggested that I pray he would have the courage to ask a girl out on a date, since he was really nervous to do so. So for three days, I remember praying that way, and I felt my heart shift from being me focused, to being him focused.

Sunday, March 9, 2003 was an amazing day. I arrived at church, and a little 3 year old boy, with whom I hadn't really had interaction, ran up to me and grabbed a hold of my legs and wouldn't let go. I looked at his mom, and said, "Does he know who I am?" She said he did, and that maybe it was the Lord's way of telling me that He really loves me. Sweet! The service, I remember, was really powerful for me, and again, the Lord was simply reaffirming how much He loved me. A girl came up to me and said she felt like the Lord wanted me to know that God couldn't keep his eyes off of me. This really hit me deep in my soul, just like rivers of living water refreshing me. I went to a bridal shower that day after church, and when I was leaving with one of my friends, I saw I had a voice message. I couldn't stop my excitement when I heard Matt's voice asking if I wanted to go get some coffee sometime. Me? Matt? What??? Again, the Lord was reaffirming how much he knew me and the desires of my heart.

Fast forward 11 months...I had recorded a song I had written for Matt, and I was headed over to his apartment for a Valentine's Day picnic. When he opened the door, I could tell he was acting a little different. Before we left for Montana de Oro, I played him the song I had recorded. He loved it. We headed out to Los Osos and had a wonderful picnic on the cliffs on a perfect beautiful day! We headed back to his truck except when we got there, his truck was no where to be seen. Funny, he wasn't freaking out, but pointed to a familiar looking Suburban...(to be cont'd)

we have another walker, folks!

Levi is now walking...almost consistently! He is going to be 10 months in a week. And it is absolutely precious to watch! It feels new all over again. I see the excitement in his eyes as he is trying out his new discovery. And yes, we applaud him after he collapses on the floor. Levi is ever increasingly a tremendous joy in our lives! And he is now sleeping through the night! It took a few nights of letting him scream (heart renching), and our neighbor and roommate asking if everything is ok at 2am, but we broke through and he is now going back to sleep on his own. All I can say is "Hallelujah!" What a difference a full night's sleep makes.

Caleb is now talking non-stop...I'm not joking! He repeats the same question over and over until someone either answers him or says something in response. And when he's watching one of his cartoons, he says the lines simultaneously with the characters. It's pretty hilarious! I thought we were a long way off from this stage, but here we are. I am even more aware of what we say now. Because we have a parrot in the house.

Here's one of the only video's I've taken that capture more than just Levi taking one step:

haircuts

oh, what love is this?

The events of yesterday have forever changed me.

I had just taken a splinter out of Caleb's finger, and taken off his sweatshirt, as it was becoming a very warm day already at 10:00am. Levi was down for a nap and I went back inside for a few minutes. I could hear Caleb playing on the patio.

I got a phone call at 10:08, it was my doctor's office needing to reschedule my appointment. Fine. Then I realized I hadn't heard Caleb in a few minutes. So as I hung up the phone, got my shoes on, and went straight to the back of the house where all of Daddy's cool wood was. This is where I usually find Caleb venturing out to...but this time he wasn't there.

As our house sits on about 20 acres of farmland, it is usually easy to spot his little head and body bobbing up and down the fields, but this time I didn't see him, anywhere! I circled the house one more time, then I saw Matt's truck pulling up to the workshop. I quickly stopped him and told him I couldn't find Caleb. He asked me a couple questions then headed out to look. Panic was setting in my heart. This had never happened before.

Matt started calling people to pray, he even stopped a car driving down our street to ask if she had seen a little boy. She offered her help us look. Matt asked me to wake up our roommate, Brittany, to help look. By that time I could not stop the tears of fear from racing down my face. I wasn't thinking about asking people to help, all my thoughts were focused on finding Caleb.

We went down by the creek bank, and the street, thinking he might have gone exploring, but no sign of him. Matt kept yelling to me. "Pray, Anne, keep praying." It was then that I realized I needed to really trust my Father with this situation. It was not helping me to go through scenarios in my mind of what could have happened to him. So there I was walking down by the creek with this lady who had offered to help us, and I was telling God out loud, "I trust you, I trust you, I trust you. Show me where to look." I was all out of ideas, but my heart was turning from hysterical fear to simple trust.

Then at 10:30 I got the phone call I was desperately hoping for. "I found him!" Matt had found him. He was up on the hill at our neighbor's house playing with the pile of rocks and dirt. He had somehow gone under the barb wire fence that separates our lot from our neighbor's, and walked up to their house, which was about a quarter mile hike.

He was safe. All of the fear and horrible thoughts of what could have happened to him vanished. None of them had happened.

This experience has changed me. And I realized the kind of love that God has given me for my son. It is unlike anything I have ever known before. I felt terror, rage, desperation over his well being. He was mine, and for twenty minutes he was not in my care.

I also realized how quickly I let fear sink into my heart and unravel me. I am determined to not let fear rule my life, because if I am a child of God, then I can trust my Father to hear me when I pray. I am so grateful to the Lord's protection on my family's life. And I trust in Him!

the new "do"

So, I got my hair cut about a month ago now, and I seriously can't believe what a difference it made! People are still commenting on how good it looks! So my question is, why didn't I do this sooner? And yes, the question pops in my head, did I look bad before?

I guess the truth is that this current hair style just makes my face more noticable, or something. It's pretty hilarious to me though! It's like I went through a makeover on Oprah, where you see the before pictures, and then when the woman walks out with the new do, everyone screams, and claps enthusiastically.

I simply needed a change, or maybe not so simply. I've been feeling something within me take a shift, actually after Christmas. It's like my spirit just said, "ok it's time to grow up." So I've taken that challenge coming from within me, and I've run with it. I no longer have an excuse for not doing something that I know I need to do. I can no longer hide behind the fact that I have a baby who needs me. I just need to grow up, take responsibility for my life and my family's life, and realize that no one else can do what I need to do.

Vague...I know. But just trust me that 2009 is a new season for me. I'm letting go of my former limitations and excuses and I'm grabbing ahold of the Lord's purpose and promise for my life. And do you know what? It feels absolutely right!

goodbye

There have been several times in my life that I have had to say goodbye to my sister. And they all have felt like they are the hardest one at the time. Growing up with my older sister (by 15 months) being my best friend, going before me in almost everything, was truly a great joy for me. I do admit high school was a challenge for us, but we got through it as friends.

The first time I had to say goodbye was when she went on a mission trip to Zimbabwe when I was 14. I had never been that far away from her for that long, and I loved hearing her stories when she came back, and I felt that I lived them myself in my imagination.

Then she moved away to college and I thought my world was going to fall apart. We dropped her off in Pasadena, and then... we just drove away. It took my parents talking me through it, to actually dip into the reservoir of my emotions on the issue, and yes, I cried a lot of the 4 hours home.

Another time was when she married her husband Daniel. On the beach of Hawaii, I realized life with my sister would never be the same. It was a grieving but also a tremendous joy to see her unite with the man who cared deeply for her, and who I knew would never give up on her.

There have been multiple times when the relationship I cherished with my sister simply changed in one moment. And I had to ask myself multiple times if my heart could accept the change and rise up to another level in relationship. Just as the Lord asks me to no longer live in the past; past joys and past sorrows, but to arise to the newness of this day with Him. It's an adventure, and I don't always throw everything I have to embrace the journey.


Now I say goodbye again to my sister and also on some dreams I have had of her and I raising our children side by side together. Halle, Daniel and Jackson are moving to Texas, half way across the country. I have been challenged to accept this change, to accept the fact that I'm gonna have to put more effort into building upon our relationship. But through all the emotions I know that every effort is going to be worth it. I can't imagine living life without my sister close by, but I do bless them in this new season in their lives. This is a new adventure for all of my family, and a time to not only say goodbye, but to open the door to a new hope in the midst of the change.

Halle, I love you...

things that make me smile

Caleb and I went on a walk to get our mail today. On the way back, we stopped by a tree, he pointed up and said, "bird". "Where's the bird?" I told him we have to look for them. I then pointed up to the top of the tree and we watched the birds fly from branch to branch for a few minutes. Caleb then said, "I yike birds." I agreed, then he said, "Mommy, touch it?" "Oh no we can't touch the birds, they're too high." He responded a few seconds later with, "get yadder."

His promises

I'm officially a real woman now...I have a jewelry box! Matt bought it for me for my 29th birthday yesterday. I can't believe it took me this long to be able to put all my jewelry in one place that does not create a tangled mess. Really, I'm not kidding! Only Matt could have endured the chaos this long. He actually got to the point where he was throwing away any bobby pin he found lying around, and I actually had to pull the last two I had out of the trash can. He knew the right gift to give me, and I absolutely love it!

Birthdays have always been times of reflection for me, a time when I can assess the important things in my life, where I have been and where I am going. I love hearing from the Lord on my birthday. As I open the door on this day each year, I walk into a new calendar year as well, and a new vision and hope for that year. This year I felt the Lord bring to mind the scripture, "You will go out with joy and be led forth in peace." Not knowing where that passage was, I looked it up and discovered it was Isaiah 55:12. I read on to verse 13 and felt the presence of the Lord speaking His promise over me again for the new year.
"Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed."

The year 2008 has held tremendous joy through the birth of my sister's son, Jackson, and then my second son, Levi, as well as the adoption of my nephew, Timothy. But it has also held great challenges and heart ache. I have felt the Lord maturing my character and my heart this past year. The Lord's promises still stand even through those challenges.

About a week ago, I was driving home from a meeting and I was listening to a song about the Lord making all things new. And before I knew what was happening in my heart, I began to cry. And I kept crying even after I had parked at our house. There I was, sitting there, engine off, in the darkness, head in my hands, realizing how much I was holding inside. And it was amazing to believe that the Lord does make all things new, in one moment. I felt his promise wash over me, and a hope rise up in my heart. A tiny flickering flame growing in intensity within me. I believe! I believe the thornbush will be replaced by a thriving, strong, and established tree, swaying beautifully in the wind of faith.

This is a new year! And I walk into it with fullness of faith in a God who can turn sorrow into great joy, and anxiety into a peace that surpasses my own understanding.

from the lips of babes

Today Caleb started singing a song that I haven't sung with him, and it took me a while to figure out what it was. He was singing "Jesus, my friend, Jesus, my friend, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!" I just looked it up on google and since I figured he learned it from Kid's World at our church I also punched in "Hillsong Kids." As soon as I started playing this song on YouTube I heard Caleb jumping in the living room. I can't tell you how much joy this brought to my heart to hear him jumping and singing along with this song. He grabbed Levi's hand as he often does and started "dancing" with him.

Here's the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwyd6u4mJ94

a grateful heart

I am so thankful for my amazing family! My own little family, and the extended family as well! I take them for granted so often, until I hear about people's stories of estranged family members and those relationships that cause serious pain within a family. I am grateful for the working out of our many relationships so that it is a joy to be together! And although we don't always agree on everything, there is an underlying understanding of a deep love and appreciation of each other.

Levi finds his way underneath the coffee table...all smiles.

My cousin Rebecka had 3 days with her family, and went back to her duty in the Navy.

I hadn't seen her in over 3 years!

Matt and Caleb read one of Uncle Greg's kids books.

Levi and his Great Grandpa Trine

Jackson shares his pacifier with Levi. They are really good at sharing!

my articulate husband

So I have realized over and over again, just how articulate Matt can be. He really amazes me when he starts talking about something that we have both witnessed or have been a part of, and he describes it with such clarity. It really amazes me! And I am so grateful for it, because so often i feel that what I want to say is so wrapped up inside of me, that I would speak as if looking through a microscope instead of looking out across the grand canyon. I suffer sometimes from speaking from the wrong perspective.

So tonight, as we drove during our date night, he spoke about a situation with such clarity and ended up saying, "sometimes we get so comfortable with someone that we forget to be kind." I kind of tuned out at that point and thought.

I thought about all the people that I have been unkind to as of late. I have become so used to others' presence in my life, that I stop extending the grace and the respect they deserve as a human being, as a child of God. Kindness...

My dad officiated at our wedding, and one of the things I will never forget that he said in encouragement for the journey ahead of us was, "just be kind to one another." You can never be too kind. Thinking of the other person with respect and dignity, not brushing them off with a quick "yeah" or "no!"

I'm reminded of a verse that always brings me hope, "The Lord's kindness leads us to repentance." The Lord is not too comfortable with me that he has given up on me. He still has hope for me even when I have given up on myself. When I think of kindness, I think of eye contact. When I have become too comfortable with someone, I give up eye contact with them. Interesting. The Lord still remains hopeful that I will return his kind look towards me.

So I am going to be more conscious of how kind I am to those who are closest to me. So if I'm looking you in the eye more...you'll know why.

simple update

I can't believe how quickly Levi is growing up! He is now crawling on all fours, pulling himself up on furniture. He loves singing the "Ba" sound, with much gusto! I think he's gonna be a singer just like Mommy, belting it out with all he has. We went to a specialist about his bump above his eye, and the short of it is that we need to get it removed. Either here when he's a year old, or down south at UCLA any time before he's a year (due to anesthesiologists regulations). Again, we are praying it goes away, but if it doesn't, the doctor said it will probably grow as he grows. He doesn't think it's a cyst, but he wants to know what it is. So there's the update on Levi's bump.

Caleb is becoming the big brother/teacher that we knew would come one day. A couple days ago, I heard Caleb in his car seat say, "You see cow, baby? Yes?" He looked at Levi, then pointed out the window. They both sleep in the same room now, and Caleb loves it! He loves taking care of Levi, most of the time. Sometimes we are still trying to get him to stop sitting on Levi. But as brothers, we know this will probably continue.

I went to my 10 year reunion on Saturday night. Wow! It was so amazing to see all the people that I hadn't seen in a decade! I talked to some of my old close friends, and I talked to some who I probably never talked to before in school. It's funny how time has a way of leveling the fields. It was really fun, and really challenging at the same time. Matt met a lot of people and he did great! We had to leave right when it was just getting started due to the babysitter, but it was really worth it I thought.